It Ain't Hemingway

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alabama: Like the Third World, but Closer! (thanks to Jim Villani)

Alabama: Keeping it in the Family Since 1819 (thanks to Robert Pfaff)

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!

Alaska: Jeez, it’s Cold.

Alaska: Yeah, But It’s a Dry Cold. (thanks to Andy Hynds)

Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat

Arizona: Soon To Be the Pacific Coast State (thanks to Michelle Steiner)

Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything

Arkansas: Attention K-Mart Shoppers! (thanks to Mike Tamburri)

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: Now 100% John Denver Free! (thanks to John Mozena)

Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don’t Own It Yet

Connecticut: The Middle C is silent, Ca**hole. (thanks to Mike Dougherty)

Delaware: Everything is Smaller Here!

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Leave us alone, we’re busy enjoying the 82 degree winter. (thanks to Gregory Seel)

Florida: Get Off of My State, You Kids! (thanks to Joe Lex)

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Florida: So Close, You Can Smell Fidel (thanks to Jim Villani)

Florida: More Than Just a Great Place to Die (thanks to Joe Lex)

Florida: America’s Wang

Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Hawaii: Come surfing because we love your hilarious You Tube vids. (thanks to Gregory Seel)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes. Well Okay, Not Really, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Idaho: You Can Be Da Ho Next (thanks to Ken Hirlinger)

Illinois: Please Don’t Pronounce the “S”

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Indiana: Dan Quayle’s Favorite Country! (thanks to Nabeel Ibrahim)

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things with Corn

Kansas: First of the Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We’re Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, but That’s Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We’re Really Cold, but We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax Brackets)

Massachusetts: Now with 30% Fewer Kennedys! (thanks to Brian DiMattia)

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Minnesota: 4 seasons: Almost winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction. (thanks to Tim Garcia)

Mississippi: Come and Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Missouri: Loves Company! (thanks to Ilene Morgan)

Missouri: The “Show Me State”. You show me yours and I’ll show you my rifle. (thanks to Darlene Forsman)

Montana: Land Of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nebraska: The “N” is for Knowledge (thanks to Chris Pultz)

Nebraska: Bring Something to Do! (thanks to Luke Jones)

Nebraska: Land of Two Seasons – Winter and Construction

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Hampshire: Just Like Old Hampshire, but Newer

New Jersey: What Smell? (thanks to James Rouse)

New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Cleaner than Regular Mexico and Less Bodies in the Sandbox (thanks to Darlene Forsman)

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right To Remain Silent, You Have the Right To an Attorney

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One of the 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We’re Not Michigan

Ohio: Where One of Your Dad’s Friends Lives

Ohio: It’s Not Just “Hello” in Japanese (thanks to Lara Allan)

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl – It’s What’s For Dinner

Oregon: It’s OR-EE-GUN, you idiot! (thanks to Darlene Forsman)

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island

Rhode Island: Small, Yes, But We Know What to Do with It! (thanks to Joe Lex)

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si’ Hablo Ing’les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Vermont: Gettin’ Busy with New Hampshire since 1791

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix?

Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family – Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wisconsin: Come Smell our Dairy Air

Wyoming: Where Men are Men (And The Sheep are Scared)