Dear Beardy:

Don’t get me wrong, I have lusted after many a bearded fella in the past year or so but it’s too much now. The trend of the long beard that you can’t seem to let go of needs to end. There are too many of you walking the streets and now that plaid shirts are all the rage it’s just overkill. Leave the bearded flannel plaid and wool slouchy hat look to the Canadian lumberjack. It’s just not working for the hipster boys working at the local coffee shop and vinyl record stores. Besides, it’s starting to become difficult to distinguish between you and the registered pedophiles on the street. Who is the real wierdo with the beardo?  We use to know but not so much anymore, think of it as a public service and make a difference in your community.

A little facial hair is great, but there should be a rule that a beard should never be so long that it could obstruct your vision if a big gust of wind were to take you by surprise. Come on guys, we’ve been so patient waiting for you to get thru the “patchy” phase and identifying what you had for breakfast by the left over contents. Please, no more mismatched facial and head hair colors. How many men out there have brown hair but grow ginger beards? Way too many! The valance really should  match the tier curtain, just sayin’.

Give us back your smooth baby soft skin, your chiseled  jaws and your cleft chin, and by the way your Mother called and asked me to write this….don’t break her heart.

Miss your face,

C-