It Ain't Hemingway

Dear Drunk Girl:

Your behavior at (any given concert, club, bar, etc…) does and will not serve you very well in the long run. Running around, getting in everybody’s face, letting the nips hang out of your spandex tube top will not end up with a happy ending. You are only going to:

1. Be embarrassed by what you said, did, or flashed.
2. Sleep with your best friends dude.
3. End up naked under a baby grand piano with no idea how you got there or whose house you are in (Trust me I know).

Hey, we’ve all been there and this is why I offer my words of wisdom. Beer before liquor never felt sicker. Liquor before beer all in the clear. Pace yourself please. I am so sick of being stuck behind you at a concert. I can only take so much of your high pitch screams, flailing arms and public grinding. Please be smart because you’re just setting yourself up to be the next victim of a Roophie hit.

Thanks for listening and making the right choice to wear underwear and to keep  the pony ride ass slappin’ dance routine that you do with your girlfriends to a minimum.

Thanks,

C-

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Now playing: Paula Cole – Feelin’ Love
via FoxyTunes