Open Letter to Drunk Girl …
August 14, 2009
Dear Drunk Girl:
Your behavior at (any given concert, club, bar, etc…) does and will not serve you very well in the long run. Running around, getting in everybody’s face, letting the nips hang out of your spandex tube top will not end up with a happy ending. You are only going to:
1. Be embarrassed by what you said, did, or flashed.
2. Sleep with your best friends dude.
3. End up naked under a baby grand piano with no idea how you got there or whose house you are in (Trust me I know).
Hey, we’ve all been there and this is why I offer my words of wisdom. Beer before liquor never felt sicker. Liquor before beer all in the clear. Pace yourself please. I am so sick of being stuck behind you at a concert. I can only take so much of your high pitch screams, flailing arms and public grinding. Please be smart because you’re just setting yourself up to be the next victim of a Roophie hit.
Thanks for listening and making the right choice to wear underwear and to keep the pony ride ass slappin’ dance routine that you do with your girlfriends to a minimum.
Thanks,
C-
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Now playing: Paula Cole – Feelin’ Love
via FoxyTunes
It Ain't Hemingway 
August 14, 2009 at 2:25 pm
OMG! So true, however I get the feeling that the girls this applies to may not be reading this particular blog.
August 18, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Yes, Drunk Girl…
please remember we aren’t awkward my dear it is you, the one who is indeed making an ass of herself that is awkward.. heed the given advice!
PS. your behavior – it’s just not attractive.
September 19, 2009 at 7:59 am
Ummm… u just described me at a concert but i swear i never drink before a gig. I know it would be a lil more excusable if i did, but the sad truth is i’ll pass any form of a sobriety testing with flying colors.
Yeah, i get that the high pitch screams hurt everyones ears, that the flailing arms hurt and that the public grinding is never pretty when you’re the size of a small whale, but hey, i’m there to enjoy myself..!
I wont promise i’ll stop cuz i never will, but i will promise to let u move past me in the future (unless am on the front row, in which case u need to get past my teeth & nails first…) so u wont have to stay to endure it… 😉
Love, The Not So Drunk Girl x
September 19, 2009 at 9:17 am
I knew it!
May 3, 2010 at 6:22 pm
well i guess if the writer was going to be so righteous & actually write a letter offering advice, he/she might use correct grammar….
May 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm
You’re absolutely fucking kidding right?! This ain’t an essay on grammar douche bag. Are you trying to defend the “drunk girl” are you a drunk girl? Dude you need to get the joke and move on. Go read Grammar girl if it’s proper grammar that gets you off. Snotty ass english major, what a bore. There’s nothing better then a sarcastic Open Letter about a drunk girl in Queen’s english. No REALLY.