It Ain't Hemingway

Dear Ladies:

As a complimentary service for your visit to our fair city while you are on tour with your fella’s, we’d like to offer you an exclusive 99% off shopping spree on the day of the concert. We offer this service to all the spouses of our visiting bands.

You will be escorted from your hotel room to an undisclosed location ( for security purposes of course) where you will find a warehouse filled with the finest of apparel, accessories and jewels all by high end designers such as Gucci, Dior, Loubitoun…OH the list will go on (once I look up some top designer names) Stella McCartney (that’s a good one right?) It’s my understanding if you put copy in Cyan blue Rock Star girlfriends can’t read it, I don’t know why I think it has to do with interviews and their fella’s not wanting them to read some stuff, goes for their parents and their kids as well.)

All we ask of you is that you leave your belongings at the front gate with our security guard. That would include the keys to your hotel room, tour bus, houses, farms, cars, etc…(again, for security purposes of course). Get Kirby groomed, apparently one of them thinks he’s twitter follow worthy and he should be a good distraction for a couple of hours.

Spend the evening shopping, take ALL the time you want. No rush, really, long into the next day if you’d like! note to self; remove all “made in China” stickers from knock offs. Make sure Granny gets started on those fake tags. Double up her arthritis meds for the week. You will have access to the finest of apparel and accessories before they go in stores. Remember to spray paint bottom of heels Red for an authentic Loubiton look at least 2 days ahead, don’t want anyone leaving red foot marks and sticking to the floor like Bono’s wife did last time. And fucking learn how to spell LOUBITON!!!

We will also be serving dinner in our private dining area off the loading dock  with cuisine from one of Philadelphia’s finest french eating establishments. Remember to order a platter from Chik-fil-a. Also get a couple of boxes of Riunite.

We hope your stay in our city is comfortable and pleasent and feel free to contact us if you have any special requests.

Thank you ladies!

Sincerely,

Your Philadelphia Welcoming Committee