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Open Letter to Kings of Leon

February 24, 2009

Dear Fella’s:

I would like to preface what I am about to say with the following; everything I write about is all in jest and I have the utmost respect for you as musician. It really is all about the quality and originality of the music you produce and by no means has anything to do with Nathan and his charming sense of humor, blue eyes, black wavy hair, tight jeans, sexy lips, square jaw or hairy chest. I am just trying to share my appreciation for your talent and the man…. I mean “the band.”

In the past several months I have been writing these darling little tales about you and my love for your music and have developed a bit of my own fan base. I thank you for being an inspiration to me and letting me ride on your coattails, but there is an issue that needs to be addressed. Every day I check my blog activity; I write for a few online sites and keeping up with the stats is all a part of a days work as I’m sure you are well aware. One issue I have come across is the huge majority of people who want to know how tall you are. Seriously, 9 out of 10 search engine results that bring me the most traffic is “How tall is Nathan, Caleb, Jared, Matthew…Nathan,” basically after the word “tall” just insert your favorite Followill….hmmm… what?!…oh.

Guys, come on! This is very important stuff the world wants to know. It is seriously the #1 search followed by Caleb Followill + Drugs, Caleb Followill + alcohol, Caleb Followill + Sex, Caleb Followill + STDs, and Caleb Followill + asshole (I’m sorry Caleb, that is really what they search for but I figure its all the HAer’s jealous boyfriends and maybe your brothers). Listen, you don’t have to write me back, just put the info in your wikipedia bio. I’m willing to sacrifice the blog hits for the inquiring minds.

And people just to give a guesstimate, I figure Caleb is probably about 6’2, so the other guys are a probably anywhere between 5’11 to 6’0. I think Nacho is probably the only short one which makes me think he may very well be a Roloff and not a Followill. Anyway, if you could do us all a solid and let us know that would be great…shoe size would be nice too….Nate, 13-14? Am I right??

Thanks,
hugs and kisses with tongue

Christina

This just in: I have it on good authority that Caleb Followill is actually 4’9″ those are some mighty high heels he wears to make up the difference.

very cheeky!

It’s hard not to see the similarities of these families of musical genius. Although, most of the comparisons are based on the Von Trapp’s we see in “The Sound of Music,” the basic roots are the same; both families influenced by controlling establishments and conforming to the strict guidelines of someone else’s moral compass only to break free and express themselves in a profoundly creative way.

The similarities hardly end there. In a more detailed analysis we can see not only the family reflections but the individual ones as well. Yes, there are only 3 brothers and a cousin in the Followill clan and 7 in the Von Trapp tribe but upon further inspection isn’t there a little bit of the Von Trapp’s in all of the Followill’s?

Liesl, the oldest daughter and most prominent character among the children can easily be compared to Caleb Followill. Her leadership and eloquent singing are equal to that of Kings of Leon’s front man. Her rebel late night romps with Rolf the messenger boy no doubt reminds us what a rock star/groupie pursuit may be like, just add drugs, booze, condoms and stir.

When it comes to Jared he seems to be a bit of a mix. Gretl the youngest and often seen with a furrowed brow bring to mind Jared but it is Kurt’s tell it like it is attitude that most resembles the youngest Followill. Much like Kurt it isn’t hard to see Jared hiding a frog in his governess’ pocket just for kicks. My guess is in the Followill scenario Nathan would probably catch it then try to smoke it.

Matthew Followill reminds us of the soft-spoken Brigitta with the knock out smile. No doubt a respected member and probably the smartest. My only reference for this description can be found in the Kings of Leon home movies when Matthew corrects Nathan’s use of the English language, “You drank 5 more beers, not drunk.” Clearly he is the academic of the bunch.

As for Nathan…OK, I can’t compare him to any of them. The man is a wonder.

Even a comparison of Maria and the Followill matriarch Betty Ann can be made. Both have a gift for sewing. Maria, with her resourceful use of window treatments allowing the children to happily romp through the trails of the Austrian countryside. Betty Ann, with her skills to transform thrift store finds into original formfitting outfits that make the young ladies wish they could romp along Jared’s own happy trail.

But as a whole both family units are a team, all surviving and thriving by standing together like an unbreakable levy. Whether it fighting off the Germans or the latest STD they will power through.

Clearly my grueling research for this comparative study will pay off and open the doors for more intense discussions on the subject. No doubt in years to come, when it is proven that the Kings of Leon are a cultural phenomenon, academic courses will be based on their familial construction. I’m just glad I had the foresight to get the ball rolling.

(Sorry, I had a Chocolate in my Peanut Butter moment last night. I watched the Sound of Music while listening to KOL. God only knows what they are really like. I get all my info from the 2 min. clips I find on You Tube. Jared may be deathly afraid of frogs for all I know! I think I’m done with all my tall tales of the Followill’s ( unless the masses demand more of course), I’m just about ready to move onto MGMT. Stay tuned.)

Christina

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