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5 minute commute to the stadium but stupid fuck here forgot her cash and God forbid the stadium parking lots upgrade to that crazy modern technology called Credit Card Machines.

My seats are not so bad; I’m on J Rod side kinda in the middle on the end. I am a walking audio-visual geek armed with my phone, my flip video camera and my digital camera. I am also wearing glasses that are not strong enough but look cool. I’m also wearing what I affectionately call my Sally Jessie Raphael’s that I bought at the dollar store. Basically they are equal to the planetarium telescope as far as magnification is concerned. I love them, but I look like a 5-year-old Jared Followill, sans white dinner coat. And do I have both pair on my head at the same time? Why yes I do, thank you very much.


Stream of Consciousness

Watchmen on, Nathan was right they are awesome.
This is my kind of music.

There are 20 musicians on the stage. Looks like half of them keep wandering on and off the stage. Interesting concept.

The lead singer is tall as hell; HE’s probably 6’2. They kinda look like frat boys.
No tight jeans.

Here comes some random dude again. The triangle player, wonder if he gets any chic’s with that as his instrument; and what about the groupie who sleeps with him at the end of the night? What is that conversation with your friends like?

Oh my God, I totally hooked up with a dude in the band!
Oh yeah? The drummer?
Umm, no the triangle player.
Wha?

OK update on the wondering musicians. Turns out they are the horn section, and the triangle player is also in the horn section. Phew!

Major drunk girl sitting behind me! This could definitely be worse then the tool kit from the MSG concert. F-bomb in a high pitch squeal with a Philly accent is like nails on a chalkboard. NOTE TO SELF: Stop saying fuck in public so much and be conscious of saying YES and not YEEH. This chick makes me want to be a better woman.

Horns are amazing! Watchmen are rocking. Seriously, I love it when a band makes me say hmm, must hear more. The lead singer has a great voice and the music sounds awesome.

Gah!!! It’s the Walkmen!!!! I never get it right. It’s the Yogi Berra in me. Sorry guys u rock though, even if your not super heroes.

I wonder if they “rent out” the horn section for the gig, this band cannot be this big.

Really mixed crowd, young/old/gross/ not so gross/drunk/sober…

Dear God:
Please no tall Dudes in front of me this time? Thank you! Love you! Bye. Click. Dial tone (I am determined to make that joke work).

Walkman just held that note for a good 1 ½ minutes?!
What lungpower…wonder how long he can swim under water.

Very nice girl just sat down next to me…no doubt we will be BFFs by the end of the night. Happens every time. No one can resist my charm.

Horn section whistles too. Is that extra in the rental contract? Yes! The horn section is a rental from NYC and this is their last night with the Walkmen.

Walkmen have finished.

And the roadies take over. Man, they work fast. What is all the equipment I mean so much is involved with setting up. I wonder how it makes the band feel knowing how many people depend on them for their own careers. I don’t really know how it works but really it as a reflection on their success as musicians. If you look at it on a business level it is amazing! All the way down to those assholes in the parking lot that don’t take credit cards. Does this affect their decisions as a band? That’s a lot to carry on your shoulders.

It looks like all the Flyers fans came straight from the game over to the concert. They are all wearing their bright orange t-shirt. Thank God I chose not to wear the orange hunting vest. Caleb’s poor guitar would be so confused and have a hard time finding me.

Even some of the roadies wear skinny jeans!

I swear I keep thinking I gotta pee then when I go it’s not even enough for a drug test. IGNORE THE URGE CHRISTINA! I wonder what happens if one of the guys has to go? Is it like the puke thing and they go in a bucket? These are the types of questions I would ask if I were to interview them for Rolling Stone magazine. Oy, so sick of the canned question/answer shit I keep reading over and over. Pee breaks, the people need to know!

It is 9:01. Heads up peeps, the zoom on my flip sucks.

Jared has a new guitar, black. That’s all I can tell u about it. It’s black and its cool. It looks just like the white one but its black. Hey man, I know my guitar shit what can I say.

What is up with Philly chicks? Cover the fuck up! Am I old? There is way too much cleavage in this joint and not good cleavage. It just looks slutty…and fake…and cold…I mean come on, the girls who are like 2pds and have huge fakers look like they’re gonna tip over at any second. Not even an ass as a counter-weight. Bring back the 70s real boobs no bras. Speaking of that whatever happened to Nathan’s pink drum kit? It was so cool and it always reminded me to do my monthly breast exams.

Are my jokes too obscure? Does anyone get them? Fuck it. I’m all ROFLOL over my bad self.

Lights down…getting so excited!!!!

Ugh, obstructed Jumbotron again…WTF?
Hot Dude Alert: 3 rows down…oh no, he’s wearing PINK underwear. To me that say’s “I have a secret!” Drums yes, undies no.

There are major amounts of duct tape used by the roadies. If they run out I have plenty in my trunk.

Oh, drunk girl you are like Katherine Hepburn in A Philadelphia Story, a class act.
A fight just broke out in the GA section! I just saw some girl flailing her arms around. Girl fight? Oh God. Here comes security. The crowd is pointing out the instigator to the guards. You’ve been thrown under the bus dude! He is now being escorted out. Did that girl fight him? That’s hysterical.

One of the stadiums has or had a jail and a court, but I can’t remember which one.

And cue the church music!

Here they come!!!

Crawl
Matt is wearing a vest. Apparently vests are very popular with the ladies and they will all be happy to hear he is wearing one.

Oh this just sounds awesome!!!!

Taper Jean Girl
Trying to take video, I have a clear view. The girl in front of me is like 4’9”. Caleb height.

My Party
Can we trade that in for McFearless? No?

Molly’s Chambers

Red Morning Light
Oh sweet! Didn’t expect that. This crowd seems to know the older stuff, where as the MSG crowd not so much. Everyone is buying all their older albums now I guess. I became a fan at BOTT and did the same thing. I think Aha Shake is my fav. But Fans and bucket LOVE those songs.

California Waiting
Harsh light in my eyes, I am now blind.

FANS!
Yay!!! Crowd Loves this!

Finally the smell of Pot where the hell has that been? I was starting to wonder? Oh wait, don’t think it’s the crowd…nope…its Nathan.

MILK
Another one I love.

(I will punch drunk girl and then be escorted out, but it will be worth it).

4 KICKS
Ah yes, I ordered up this one special for my gals. You know who u are ; )

Hmm Caleb just gave himself a little chest rub, OK. Well it looked like that from here.

Caleb says a few words. Says he’s impressed by the crowd and hopes they sing along. Which means…

Sex on Fire
Zzzzzz…My new bff Natalie and I are in agreement this is not our favorite. So we chat.
Philly folk are enjoying it, fun to watch.

Bucket
Geek boys in the row in front of me are rubbing each other’s bald spots. True fact.

Notion

I requested some ass wiggles and he ain’t delivering. But the jeans are nice and tight. So damn tight I would say the man is a boxer-brief dude maybe? Hmmm. He’s got some big ass feet too, at least in those boots.

ON CALL
This is the very first song of theirs I heard on the radio. Perk my head up moment. Sold!

Another fight?! This time it’s right next to me. The guard is screaming at the guy. I missed the whole thing. He’s not getting kicked out though, just a verbal ass-whoop.

Cold Desert
Matt sure knows how to make that song sound purdy. Damn he is good. The best thing those brothers ever did was kidnap him from Oklahoma.

Caleb thanks the Walkmen.

Use Somebody
Ugh guy in front of me keeps bending down to talk to his incredibly short girlfriend and obstructing my view. I knew there would be a catch. He’s like 6’2”ft. Caleb’s wishful thinking height.

Does Jared realize the audience is behind him? He spends the whole time facing the amps. Is there a mirror attached to them or something?

Slow Night So Long
Matt is gonna need some Tylenol tonight. Major head banging.

Oh no! drunk girl just fell and tried to bring my pants with her!!! How come I get accosted at all the KOL shows I go to? Well 2, but whatever.

Natalie and I chat before the encore. She is a super fan much like me and it turns out she reads my blog! She went to MSG too. We both agree this concert definitely has a better crowd.

Some royally stoned girl next to her tries to speak to me, but I have no idea what she’s saying. I just nod and smile.

CLOSER

KNOCKED UP

Caleb is trying to say something to the crowd but everyone is freaking out. He stops and laughs then continues. Humble words much like MSG.

MANHATTAN

DEVIL SONG
Does this song have a name yet?

BLACK THUMBNAIL
Oh I love this song!!! My last shot at seeing an ass wiggle. Matt plays the shit out of this song. I think I’m having a religious experience. Seriously, he can play. His abilities are best described in my very first article about KOL, titled Kings of Leon; you can find it on my blog. I’m in heaven. No lie it’s like we just made out!

No ass wiggle WTF…oh Caleb…how could you. My horny heart is broken.

And that’s it they wave good-bye! I’m sad…its over.

Its like Christmas morning, you anticipate the day for so long. Each song is like a gift that you eagerly want to open or hear in this case. You are so excited but before you know it all the gifts are open; all the songs are played and that special day is over. I will watch the video over and over but it’s never the same as being in the moment. Hopefully, they will return and I will still believe and never lose that feeling of excitement and anticipation. I’m off to call my friends much like I did when I was little, and tell them all about the wonderful gift the boys brought to my hometown.

Thank you, Thank you…you are blessed and loved!

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Dear Jared:

I don’t usually like to post random pictures on my blog. I would like to try to keep this blog filled with interesting stories or pictures with humorous captions much like the one with Nathan’s guns, and that pic of you and Matt which was so damn cute. So as I was saying, unrelated pictures to a specific topic won’t be found in here…..

until I saw THIS!!!!

what???!!!!

what???!!!!

JTOTHEMOTHERFUCKIN’F?!?!?!

What the hell are you trying to do to me? I have resisted for years due to the fact I am old enough to be your very very very young Aunt but now you’ve just gone too far! Seriously baby Followill you need to wear that EVERY DAY or not wear that as the case may be!

Listen, we are in a recession and you need to do your little part to help out with the nations economic struggle. How you ask?

1. By bringing joy to the lives of the poor struggling ladies of the world, no matter how young (within legal limits) or how old (seriously, my mother saw this and her exact words were “WHOA!”) via bejeweled bare chested vest wearing pictures such as this.

2. Starting the shirtless  trend which no doubt J2mff wannabe’s will be copying the look thus saving cash on shirt purchases.

3. And last but not least the market will be flooded with gold necklace purchases which will then flood cash into the economy driving down the cost of precious metal in turn driving up stocks which will then stabilize the economy and all will be well with the world.

See Jacob? That’s all you need to do. You’re like a HOT Alan Greenspan. Fate is in your hands my friend.

hugs and kisses, baby!

j-to-the-mother-fuckin-f1

is the contest over? I have a last minute entry!!!

I call it Ode to “J to the mother fuckin F”
(could also work as a vanity plate)

right2

Oh hello! What’s your name? Smith?

Nice to meet you Smith. Enjoy the show…

left1

…and you? What’s your Name? Wesson?

Hello Wesson, are you two twins?

A Love Like No Other

March 11, 2009

jaredmattamsterdaminterview3

Open Letter to Kings of Leon

February 24, 2009

Dear Fella’s:

I would like to preface what I am about to say with the following; everything I write about is all in jest and I have the utmost respect for you as musician. It really is all about the quality and originality of the music you produce and by no means has anything to do with Nathan and his charming sense of humor, blue eyes, black wavy hair, tight jeans, sexy lips, square jaw or hairy chest. I am just trying to share my appreciation for your talent and the man…. I mean “the band.”

In the past several months I have been writing these darling little tales about you and my love for your music and have developed a bit of my own fan base. I thank you for being an inspiration to me and letting me ride on your coattails, but there is an issue that needs to be addressed. Every day I check my blog activity; I write for a few online sites and keeping up with the stats is all a part of a days work as I’m sure you are well aware. One issue I have come across is the huge majority of people who want to know how tall you are. Seriously, 9 out of 10 search engine results that bring me the most traffic is “How tall is Nathan, Caleb, Jared, Matthew…Nathan,” basically after the word “tall” just insert your favorite Followill….hmmm… what?!…oh.

Guys, come on! This is very important stuff the world wants to know. It is seriously the #1 search followed by Caleb Followill + Drugs, Caleb Followill + alcohol, Caleb Followill + Sex, Caleb Followill + STDs, and Caleb Followill + asshole (I’m sorry Caleb, that is really what they search for but I figure its all the HAer’s jealous boyfriends and maybe your brothers). Listen, you don’t have to write me back, just put the info in your wikipedia bio. I’m willing to sacrifice the blog hits for the inquiring minds.

And people just to give a guesstimate, I figure Caleb is probably about 6’2, so the other guys are a probably anywhere between 5’11 to 6’0. I think Nacho is probably the only short one which makes me think he may very well be a Roloff and not a Followill. Anyway, if you could do us all a solid and let us know that would be great…shoe size would be nice too….Nate, 13-14? Am I right??

Thanks,
hugs and kisses with tongue

Christina

This just in: I have it on good authority that Caleb Followill is actually 4’9″ those are some mighty high heels he wears to make up the difference.

very cheeky!

Kings of Leon

December 17, 2008

KINGS OF LEON

The Followills, three brothers and a cousin from Tennessee raised by an evangelical priest, were forbidden to listen to anything but gospel, and home schooled by their mother. How could these four boys, each sprinkled with Elvis dust all come from the same gene pool? Given their back-story you have to question, is this some divine intervention or did their parents make a deal with the devil? In the world of rock n’ roll you tend to think the latter but only hope that God will prevail and keep these boys from going down the path of Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, or Kurt Cobain. This hope stems from their God-fearing upbringing and the fact they have each other to keep them grounded.

You have to wonder why their home country has not embraced the Followills the way the Europeans have. Americans are accustomed to the ramblings of evangelist preachers praising the lord over television waves “God will heal for a mere $10 donation”. It leaves you leery of a scam. Will they draw us in, win our faith then shatter the dream?

It’s not hard to question how such a perfect Rock n’ Roll package came to be. Caleb, the lead singer who can lay out lyrics that make you think he has the life experience of a man in his 90’s. A face so pretty you question whether his songs about transvestites may actually be about him. Jared, who’s actions remind us of a young Keith Richards but with the looks of a “Teen Beat” heartthrob. Nathan, who you give a pass to for the cheesy water shot in the “Sex on Fire” video ’cause lets face it, the man is a god; and Mathew, the cousin with the rosy cheeks and sweet smile who’s guitar skills deliver the same visceral feeling as the kiss you swear is directly connected to your loins.

These traits and skills make you doubt the authentic biological force of these boys, but then you watch the “Only By the Night Home Movies,” and the perfect package reveals its’ flaws. Some of their actions conjure up the stereotypical southern redneck bumpkins such as bathing in a creek and old men in overalls. You realize that they aren’t brooding rock stars all serious about the music 24/7, but young men with little American boy moments like running around naked, playing practical jokes, or going to a college football game in their matching t-shirts and foam fingers. You wonder how Caleb comes up with lyrics so smart when at 26 he finally asks the question “where do babies come from?” while using the John Travolta movie “Look Who’s Talking,” as a visual reference. These are the moments that make them all the more endearing; this is the hook that reels us in.

I can honestly say I am converted and my prayers are that they play it right and not get caught up in the unreal parts. I hope none of them crash and burn by drugs and alcohol and know their limits and keep it in their pants once in a while. Also know when to retire the tight jeans and long hair because no one likes to see an aging rock star trying to hold on. That they not obsess but enjoy the ride and never lose the vulnerable side we see in each of their long lashed baby blues. I hope they stay true to their word and keep the music honest and pure.
May their congregation grow and thrive and make us all regain our faith in the higher power of Rock n’ Roll, but until then I will be at the foot of their rock star altar with my hands in the air and my face pointed up as a believer and follower…or “followiller” as the case may be.

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